Sin by Silence part I

Breath

Life

a sound, first or last
spirt coming, spirit going
We are lost in Silence

my body, a canvas for a glorius
landscape complete with a beautiful rainbow
of colors - red, brown, purple, blue and BLOOD

Of all the colors - Blue tells my story
She is silent like the sky
She is silent like the sea
She only screams
when She is me
dancing to the tune of
abuse, oppression, until
I realize, this is war

kill or be killed
kill or be killed
kill or be killed

I am Silent no more!

My voice is a blade - stabbing and slicing
My voice is a gun - deadly projectile entering flesh
destroying breath-conquering
the enemy who loved me.

As life goes by...
by Jolivette Anderson

It has been a year and 7 days since I last posted on Mamashood. Reason, I am not a disciplined writer. I do not wirte all of the time, everyday, like I should. I want to do much better than I am doing.

All of my thoughts and plans and activities are centered around rasising my daughter Nadja. She is putting sentences together now, asking for what she wants, becoming frustrated when she does not know the words to express what she wants, and attempting -at all times- to do what she wants to do (like her Mama).

Two nights ago, she was laying on top of me while I was watching television and she say, "Jah Vette". I politely looked at her and said, "yes, Nadja, what do you want?" It was then that she realized that I had another name. As she learns herself, she learns me and our world.

Funny thing about me and Nadja, we spend a whoel lot of time together. She is my shadow. She keeps me from cussing folks out, she helps me maintain Iwa Pwele because I have to keep her safe so therefore, I can't be running around doing stupid stuff.

In her growth process, I keep it real with Nadja. I let her know what I think and feel about situations even though she is only two years old.

A few months ago (maybe longer) she became facinated with her body parts. While taking a bath she would touch herself. I said, 'that is called a vagina'. She said, 'gina'. I said, 'Close enough for now'. I did not take her curiosity about her body as shocking or tell her to stop doing it. In my mind, she should know her body better than anyone else so I encourage her to develop the best possible relationship with herself. I hope that this will translate into some aspect of postive self esteem.

Joke for the day. I use to put powder on Nadja when I changed her diaper when she was younger. Since she started wearing pull-ups, I stopped. The other day, I saw the powder near by while changing her and picked it up and said, 'open legs'. She did and I put some powder on her and pulled up her pull-up. She looked at the container and said "power'. "No, powDer", I said. She again said, "power".

The next time she needed to be changed, once I had taken her pull-up off and cleaned her, she opened her legs, pointed to her vagina and said, 'POWER'!

I said, "Sugar, if you only knew!"

Dobet Gnahore's Na Afriki (and for we who love Africa)

It was a busy, beautiful day in Lafayette, Indiana. The breeze seem to speak of transformation. A hint of goodness, peace and joy. I rushed from work to get myself and my 16 month old daughter, Nadja ready to go to a concert. Nadja's father is from Ivory Coast so anytime I can expose her to people from that part of the world, I make it my mission to do so.
When I heard that Dobet Gnahore was coming to town, all I knew was that she was from Ivory Coast and that the organization 'Friends of Bob' would bring her to town for a concert performance at Duncan Hall in downtown Lafayette. Since I had a hisotry with helping FOB out for performances that bring in groups from Africa, I gave them a call and began to help promote Ms. Dobet's visit.

I listened to her music and fell in love with the sounds that felt like a blend of traditional Africa (mostly the percussion and wood flute instrumentations resonated with me) and contemporary Africa and even African American sounds (mostly the guitar and bass). Then, that voice! Dobet's voice draws you in with it's strength and soothes you like a mother's touch with it's control and calmness. This woman has something super special is what I felt. Then, the dots of existence started connecting like you would not believe.

As I read the liner notes from the CD, I begin to put the pieces together that connected me and my daughter to Dobet and the people of Ivory Coast through my husband (we are no longer together). The pain associated with that relationship challenged how I dealt with people born in Africa. Dobet helped to restore a piece of me that I needed to heal so I can speak to my child in a positive way about her people. I am not where I need to be but I am on my way.

It is often difficult for African Americans to understand the African struggle the same as it is probably difficult for Africans to understand the African-American struggle. In spirit and blood, we are all African but other factors exist to keep us from even wanting to know and understand each other. The artist can play a pivotal role in breaking barriers and building bridges of hope and understanding between we who love Africa.

My husband was part of the artist colony called Ki-Yi M'Bock. He spoke of his time with the Ki-Yi M'Bock often and I thought of it as the ideal situation for any artist to be in for a period of time. Dancers, singers, visual artists, etc spend time together strictly working on their skills and their craft with the responsibility to take what they learn to the world to share cultural knowledge through the performing arts. It turns out, Dobet grew up as part of this artist colony.

What I appreciated the most about Dobet's performance in Lafayette is that she seemed to have an artists' understanding of what needs to be done to promote one's work. She stayed true to the spirit and energy created in the studio when making Na Afriki. I had been listening to her CD for 2 to 3 weeks before she arrived, and I was able to sing along with some of the songs. I feel that those who bought her CD after seeing her perform will truly appreciate the CD and cherish it always because the intergrity of an artist who has the audience in mind when they create, compose and perform their work live is very present.

Finally, Dobet's presence on stage is of God. She is beautiful from the 'inside out' and from the 'outside in'. She along with her husband composed their music so that her skills as a dancer can come forth in just the right places to wow the audience.
I am truly blessed to have been a part of the audience to witness Dobet's performance and the band members are highly skilled and add depth and breath to the live shows and the recordings.

Much continued success Dobet!

In peace,
Jolivette Anderson Douoning and Nadja Douoning
Lafayette, Indiana

Jolivette Anderson-Douoning is a poet / educator / activist from Louisiana and Mississippi. She currently lives in Lafayette, IN with her daughter Nadja. She works for the Purdue University Black Cultural Center. Jolivette is available for poetry performances and workshops for youth and adults.

Dear All,
Nadja and I traveled to Collegeville, MN on June 9, 2007. We stayed onthe beautiful, tranquil campus of St. John's University. St. John'ssits on 2400 acres of land and has beautiful nature trails, ponds, andtrees. Nadja liked the trees. We were there because I was a guestKeynote (Kindler) Speaker for a conference titled 'Community: The Art ofLiving Together'. The Benedictine Community has existed in MN for 150years. Nadja and I were honored to be a part of how they look at thenext 150 years.

We met many wonderful people and I was reconnected with Kevin and RachelWalker. About 10 or so years ago. Kevin and Rachel were visitingLittle Rock, Arkansas and looked in the newspaper and found that apoetry reading was happening. I was the poet. After the performance wechatted and they said, maybe we can get you to Cornel University, theydid. Then, out of the blue it seems, I get an email from Rachaeltelling me to expect a call from Patrick Henry inviting me toparticipate in the Art of Living Together conference. He called, Nadjaand I traveled ( I put her into the contract and they agreed to takecare of both of us AND THEY DID)

We met Bishop Hoyt, Sharon Reives, Abbott Christopher, Ray Suarez and so many more!

Bright Eyes, Brown Skin (the childrens book)

My daughter Nadja is 1 year old as of May 4, 2007. She received a gift for her birthday, a book by Cheryl Willis Hudson and Bernette G. Ford with illustrations by George Ford, title 'Bright Eyes, Brown Skin'. The book has been around for a while because I remember purchasing it for my nephew when he was 3 years old, he is 9 now.

I am writing about this book because I am able to see the immediate difference it has made in my child. My nephew lived in TN and I in MS so I don't know the day to day experiences he had but my daughter, during the first time I read the book to her, sat still and was very attentive as I was reading to her. She saw young black children playing together, smiling, enjoying each others' company, playing dress up and being tucked in for bed or nap time. My 1 year old is imitating these depictions of these children.

Last night, when I wanted her to go to bed, I simply said, 'Warm and toast, and all tucked in' which is the last line of the book and my 1 year old grabbed a blanket to lay down. SHE GOT IT, AT SUCH AN EARLY AGE!

Now, I am thinking, what did I miss when I was her age. The answer, POSITIVE IMAGES, IMAGES OF BLACK CHILDREN THAT LOOKED LIKE ME DOING POSITIVE THINGS.
The illustrator of the book and the authors and editors, chose to put the colorful full of life and warmth illustrations on bright white paper making the children almost glow. This book makes my daughter feel good about herself at 1 year old.

If any of you out there know the authors, tell them I said THANK YOU! and not just for putting the book out there but for the choices made about how the book looks and for lines like "...lips that kiss. A perfect nose. Very special hair and clothes." THANK YOU FOR HELPING MY CHILD SEE THE BEAUTY IN HERSELF!

In peace,
Jolivette 'the poet warrior'

The Dancing Nadja

On yesterday, we attended a birthday party for Chase, Heidi's little princess. Nadja had a good time and it was good for me to see her interacting with other children.

The Weekend was filled with Sam Cooke, sleep, cleaning (believe it or not) and a few phone calls and text messages wishing me a happy mothers day (more on that in a minute).

I noticed Nadja moving her feet to the sound of music. She use to simply rock her upper body back and forth and I was glad to see she has rhythm. I was throughly surprised to see her stomp her feet and step back and forth to the beat. I guess she will take after her father in that respect, he is a professional dancer / choreographer from Ivory Coast, Africa.

The joy in her eyes as she stomps her feet and tries to rock her upper body at the same time, the laughter and the happiness inside of her is humbling to me. I am so proud to be her mother yet I feel so horrible that she does not have a father in the home loving her. Being a single parent is not something I ever wanted to do because I know how important a father is to children and how important a husband is to a wife. Unfortunately, father is absent. I will do my best but I know I can never fill that void in her life and Nadja deserves the best.

Mother's Day for me was not good. My brother, Jethro Jr. called and said, Jamir (my nephew) and I called you earlier to tell you Happy Mothers Day. My response was 'yeah, well, whatever'. He laughed and said, "aw, I guess we could have kept that." I replied, "Yep, pretty much." He said, "Jolly, it will get better, once Nadja starts bringing you hand made cards from school with 'I love you' mispelled and a heart cut with some jagged sissors- you'll look at it like, damn, this look like a real heart, for real."

He made me laugh like he always do, my little brother! He is one of the reasons why I know that BABBIES NEED DADDIES. My baby brother and my dad (amen-ase) are two other reasons.

Peace,
J.

Nadja is 1 !

On May 4, 2007, Nadja turned 1 year old. On May 5, 2007, Natasha Duncan & Dwaine Jengelley hosted a "Jerk Chicken" party for her at my home. In attendance were:

Jolivette & Nadja (of course)
Heidi Freeman and her daughter Chase
Bill & Katie Pope and their daughter Ellie
Odesma Dalrymple
Iman
Chen
Rachel
Cynequa
Kellie Green
Harry and Deena Targ

With Email greetings coming from:

Leo Pate (Nadja's Uncle in Canada)
Laurence (Grand Aunt -grand ma - in London)

She wrote:

NADJA YOUR ARE ONE YEAR OLD TODAY!!!
JOYEUX ANNIVERSAIRE A TOI !!!

SCATTERED ALL OVER THE WORLD AND VOICING FROM LONDON, CANADA, FRANCE , ITALY , AFRICA , AND TAGOURA THE DEEP VILLAGE OF YOUR GREAT GRAND FATHER WITH LOVE WE WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

AS PART OF THE BIG FAMILY YOU ARE NOW BLESSED AND CALLED AFTER ONE OF YOUR GREAT GRAND MOTHER :YADY SHE WAS A BEAUTY QUEEN A STRONG LEADER THAT NO ONE COULD HAVE FACE BUT VERY PEACEFUL

I WANTED TO CALL BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT WAS YOUR OFFICE NUMBER ANYWAY LOOK AFTER YOURSELF WELL AND ENJOY THE PARTY WITH NADJA AND OTHERS

IN PEACE
LAURENCE THE GRAND MOTHER IN LONDON

WISH YOUR ARE KNOWN AS US ACCEPT MY BLESSING TO BE CALL HAUMONON MEAN NEVER LOST TODAY ACCEPT MY POWER AS A YOUR GRAND MOTHER TO CALLND SEND YOU ALL THE BLESSING WE LOVE YOU

Some Rappers Are Really Slaves
by Jolivette Anderson 'the poet warrior'

I watched 60 minutes last week and was appalled at the interview done with the rapper Camron and the whole notion of 'to snitch or to not snitch' that be the question and the answer to many of our problems in the black community. What use to be a code of ethics for criminals and thugs decades ago is not the code of ethics for this generation of young people and it makes no sense to me. Murdering people in broad daylight is possibly not punishable by law because the people who saw the murder will not say anything to the police. Okay, if you want to handle some community issues without the police but come one, black people, let's draw the line at murder. Don't let murders stay out on the street in our communities because you and yours could be next. While we are working to change America from the inside out, let's use the system as best we can ESPECIALLY, when it comes to protecting ourselves and others from people who kill each other. Anything less is UNCIVILIZED!

Oh, before I forget, the title of this blog simply means that Camron and others refuse to fight the record companies on lyrics. They want to keep on singing and shufflin bout killing etc. simply because it sells. Yes, it sells and it serves the master's plan of continuously creating despair.

more later...