Mamashood

2011-02-18T12:27:00.000-08:00

Coming Back to Life

My challenge is to be a disciplined writer.
I must meet the challenge.

Jolivette 'Nadja's Mom'

2009-12-15T13:12:00.000-08:00

Absence Identity Theory is a socio-cultural theory that breaks down the structure and practice of relationships between Black people from different cultures - African American, Afro Caribbean and Continental Africa. It is defined as ‘socio-cultural’ because it relies heavily on research done by sociologist on the Black family, Black communities and Black neighborhoods in the United States (U.S.). There are tensions between the African American cultural experience and other Black cultural experiences. Some of those tensions are outlined in the essay, BLACK LIKE BARACK (2009) by Joan Morgan. How those tensions developed and how and why they divide Black people along geographical-cultural lines is explained by the Absence Identity Theory. For the purpose of this paper, ‘absence’ is any act, condition or state of being that is or has been lost, missing, recovered, saved or survived. ‘Identity’ is who or what a people are and who or what a people have become because of their life experiences and life experiences are inextricably tied to a place. Identity is also connected to place.

The formation of Black cultural identity begins with citizenship, a ‘place of birth geography’ and how that place negotiated and implemented white supremacy ideology in the lives of the Black people. It is the energy / vibration of the place that first informs Black folk that they are Black. Navigating Blackness – in a place that negotiated and implemented white supremacy ideology- could prove to be dangerous, glorious or both depending on how much one could make themselves ‘absent-while-present’ from situations that dehumanized or attempted to bit by bit destroy the esteem, pride and dignity one must possess to achieve personal and professional goals but most importantly, to feel human.

Place as cultural marker and cultural identifier of Black people is the foundation of being ‘absent-while-present’. This term defines and describes what freedom is not. It is being seen and not heard, it is being looked upon while simultaneously being looked down upon. It is being present in ones’ own consciousness while absent in the consciousness of others, except as an object to be used and exploited for profit or to be feared. It is to be what Ralph Ellison called an “Invisible Man”. It is experienced by Black people on conscious and subconscious levels and acted out in healthy and unhealthy ways. Identity is always connected to a place. The state of not knowing and not being able to find the missing part of the self or more directly not being able to answer the question, ‘where did I come from?’ creates a dis-ease within that cannot be eased until Black people become “present” (Baldwin, 57) in their own lives and cease being the people that white supremacy made. To reach that point of self awareness requires a trip to what the old folks in the U.S. Black community call the old landmark- a trip back in time to learn how life use to be lived and why it had to lived a certain way. Absent-while-present describes a place “…where identity is almost impossible to achieve” (Baldwin, 102).

The Absence Identity Theory outlines the effects of being absent (absence) --from Africa, from traditional African cultural norms (rituals) and / or from African centered thought and practice-- on the identity of Africans in the Diaspora. The theory is designed to “guide future thoughts and behavior” (freedictionary.com/theory) about the African continent and Black Africans in the Diaspora. In other words, to change the way people think about a place with the hope of changing their behavior toward Black cultures unlike their own while serving to promote the study of Africa and its complexities, geographically and culturally and toward African people who identify as Black, who are the generational inheritors of U.S history by birth into a place that has a history of blatant dislike and disrespect of Black people or by recent immigration in the U.S. that makes one a 1st, 2nd or more generation immigrant. The over- arching goal is to give all Black African peoples opportunities-- through the acquisition of self knowledge to be change agents who help to bring elements of the traditional African village into the African Diaspora experience.

The Absence Identity theory contends that a village value system exists in the U.S. The research done by Elmer P. Martin and Joanne Mitchell Martin supports this contention in their sociological study, The Black Extended Family (1978) Additional research don by Ifa Priest, Awo Falokun Fatunmbi confirms the presence and the “sanctification of the extended family” in his work, Inner Peace: The Yoruba Concept of the Ori (2003) while Manu Ampim discusses the initiation rites (rituals) in the village value system that served to help each member of the extended family “grow and develop into responsible, community-oriented adults.” Black African identity grounded in the village way of life complete with the ritual of the ‘rites of initiation’ that begin at “birth” and end with “ancestor-ship” is absent in U.S. Black culture as a norm for developing “responsible, community oriented adults.” Thus, Black cultural identity is developed in a place, the African village, and in the U.S. Black extended family. Research shows that both institutions serve to benefit its members but one is absent of the rituals needed to create community and the other is absent of the resources needed to maintain community. The movement from rural to urban or village to city is a migration pattern (urbanization) that causes the abandonment of some traditional ways that should stay in place for the betterment of the human family.

Understanding the absence of the traditional ways or more contemporary ways of developing human beings is a very large part of understanding the Absence Identity Theory.
The village is the dwelling place, the home of many people from various tribes (ethnicities) on the African continent. It is perceived to be rural and has existed for as long as human beings have been in Africa. The village value system is a term that describes how the people of the village conducted their lives, it shows what they valued or deemed important in their lives. Research has revealed that the basis for how the village functioned stands on the foundation of the family, for the full development of all of its members, full development meaning from birth to the ancestor-life. Using the village of Ode Remo, Nigeria, what I call the village value system is explained in the context of the West African Religion of the Yoruba called Ifa. While all Africans did not practice Ifa, the Yoruba religion and village life will be used to create examples that support the Absence Identity Theory and other points throughout this paper. This is an acceptable approach based on information provided by Cheik Anta Diop in his book ‘Cultural Unity of Black Africa’. “It is generally conceded that mankind originated in Africa. This makes the African man the father and the African woman, in partnership with the man, the mother [creators] of a functioning family unit. This major step in human development laid the foundation for the organization of all subsequent societies and institutions.” (Diop, 28) Further, Ifa is a religion with a history known through ancient stories and scriptures that are similar to other religious histories of tribes in various parts of Africa hinting at a similar origin or one belief common to many African people. That belief took forms of different characters due to migration to other parts of the African continent.[1]

Ifa is taught through the sanctification of the extended family. Sanctification
means making sacred. In practical terms related to family it means everyone
in the community has a job, everybody gets spiritual and practical training to
advance to the next job, and everybody has a responsibility to train those who
are younger. The six year olds sweep the yard in front of the house and sing to
Esu, asking him to keep disruption from the door. The ten year olds help gather
wood asking Osoosi to guide them to a fresh supply [of wood]. The fourteen
year olds walk to the river for water singing to Osun. Ile awao ni ile ara meaning
Ifa is a mystery school and the school is a family. The school is not a monastery
up on a hill, it isn’t some secret place in a cave, there are no classroom and you
don’t receive a certificate on graduation. It is the structure of the family that is
transcendent, not the faces of the particular people who fill positions of leadership
at any given time. [2]

The absence of the village value system and rituals created a void for Black Africans brought into American Chattel Slavery. The absence of going through phases or rites of passage from child to ancestor is the reason why there is an absence of Black cultural identity among African Americans, Black immigrants from Africa and the Caribbean and, I would argue, urban Black Africans. The most vicious part of slavery was its attack on the village value system, the family. The tearing apart of the structure that instilled self-esteem, protection, love, womanhood and manhood was deadly to the identity development of African Americans. The destruction can be felt to this day in the absence that causes a lack of positive cultural “identity, purpose and direction.” [3] The absence of identity is filled with confusion because America, at its beginning, had no identity unique to one ethnic group, though it has always been presented as being born of Europe through Columbus’ exploration. The absence of a national American identity affected the Black Diaspora in the U.S. because the frontier myth is key to understanding why Black cultural identity had to be an ‘improvised’ identity, one that did not “live in the present” but survived in the present with each moment of each day being in a survival mode to hold on to ones humanity. Black culture was created ‘in the moment’ from historical events beyond the control of those who were creating it, just as jazz, an African American artistic creation, mirrors the creation of Black cultural identity. Based on the myth of the “welcoming land, the limitless opportunity for success and the good fight against darkness” in the form of the indigenous peoples, the frontier myth created interest in the way of life in the colonies for other Europeans to immigrate to the New World which created a greater demand from African labor.

The Black extended family, in the U.S. is an institution that developed to replace the missing (absent) African village and the value system that was present in the village. The village way of life guaranteed the formation of a cultural identity by making sure that all members of the village were valued and their full development through the five stages of initiation rites would prepare them to make decisions in life and to be responsible enough to guide future generations born into the village as they move through their stages of initiation. “The five initiation rites are birth, adulthood, marriage, eldership, and “ancestor-ship” (ManuAmpim.com) and will be discussed further in the section on ‘Absence by failure to be present’.

The goal of the Absence Identity Theory is to explain absences in Black life and culture by identifying elements that were removed from Black cultural practices because of a disconnection with place (Africa, the family, knowing ones place). It attempts to discover what replaced the missing (absent) parts, to define the effects of the absence on the place and its people, and to look for characteristics of the village value system present in the Black extended family in the U.S. The ultimate goal is to communicate the idea (s) of going back to Africa as the source of Black cultural identity in the U.S. and to assist persons, on any level of inquiry, who have questions or have wondered who they are, where they come from and how they are connected to the African continent as a Black person outside of Africa or in Africa but are away from the village and the village value system. Understanding fully that “Black presence in the U.S. is ‘so full of strong feeling perhaps we are oblivious to the loss of anything.” (Henderson, Morison, 27)

[1] Ocelot, Michel, Kirikou Film 1998 and The Griot. Film
[2] Fatunmbi, Awo Falokun. Inner Peace the Yoruba Concept of Ori. Athelia Henrietta Press Publishing in the Name of Orunmila. Brooklyn, NY. 2005
[3] Daniels, Ron. North Star News vantage Point: The Crisis of youth Violence and the Demand for Reparations. October 28, 2009 http://www.northstarnews.com/columns/dr_ron_daniels/article/1610/

2009-09-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

Sin by Silence part I

Breath

Life

a sound, first or last
spirt coming, spirit going
We are lost in Silence

my body, a canvas for a glorius
landscape complete with a beautiful rainbow
of colors - red, brown, purple, blue and BLOOD

Of all the colors - Blue tells my story
She is silent like the sky
She is silent like the sea
She only screams
when She is me
dancing to the tune of
abuse, oppression, until
I realize, this is war

kill or be killed
kill or be killed
kill or be killed

I am Silent no more!

My voice is a blade - stabbing and slicing
My voice is a gun - deadly projectile entering flesh
destroying breath-conquering
the enemy who loved me.

2008-09-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

As life goes by...
by Jolivette Anderson

It has been a year and 7 days since I last posted on Mamashood. Reason, I am not a disciplined writer. I do not wirte all of the time, everyday, like I should. I want to do much better than I am doing.

All of my thoughts and plans and activities are centered around rasising my daughter Nadja. She is putting sentences together now, asking for what she wants, becoming frustrated when she does not know the words to express what she wants, and attempting -at all times- to do what she wants to do (like her Mama).

Two nights ago, she was laying on top of me while I was watching television and she say, "Jah Vette". I politely looked at her and said, "yes, Nadja, what do you want?" It was then that she realized that I had another name. As she learns herself, she learns me and our world.

Funny thing about me and Nadja, we spend a whoel lot of time together. She is my shadow. She keeps me from cussing folks out, she helps me maintain Iwa Pwele because I have to keep her safe so therefore, I can't be running around doing stupid stuff.

In her growth process, I keep it real with Nadja. I let her know what I think and feel about situations even though she is only two years old.

A few months ago (maybe longer) she became facinated with her body parts. While taking a bath she would touch herself. I said, 'that is called a vagina'. She said, 'gina'. I said, 'Close enough for now'. I did not take her curiosity about her body as shocking or tell her to stop doing it. In my mind, she should know her body better than anyone else so I encourage her to develop the best possible relationship with herself. I hope that this will translate into some aspect of postive self esteem.

Joke for the day. I use to put powder on Nadja when I changed her diaper when she was younger. Since she started wearing pull-ups, I stopped. The other day, I saw the powder near by while changing her and picked it up and said, 'open legs'. She did and I put some powder on her and pulled up her pull-up. She looked at the container and said "power'. "No, powDer", I said. She again said, "power".

The next time she needed to be changed, once I had taken her pull-up off and cleaned her, she opened her legs, pointed to her vagina and said, 'POWER'!

I said, "Sugar, if you only knew!"

2007-09-22T14:03:00.000-07:00

Dobet Gnahore's Na Afriki (and for we who love Africa)

It was a busy, beautiful day in Lafayette, Indiana. The breeze seem to speak of transformation. A hint of goodness, peace and joy. I rushed from work to get myself and my 16 month old daughter, Nadja ready to go to a concert. Nadja's father is from Ivory Coast so anytime I can expose her to people from that part of the world, I make it my mission to do so.
When I heard that Dobet Gnahore was coming to town, all I knew was that she was from Ivory Coast and that the organization 'Friends of Bob' would bring her to town for a concert performance at Duncan Hall in downtown Lafayette. Since I had a hisotry with helping FOB out for performances that bring in groups from Africa, I gave them a call and began to help promote Ms. Dobet's visit.

I listened to her music and fell in love with the sounds that felt like a blend of traditional Africa (mostly the percussion and wood flute instrumentations resonated with me) and contemporary Africa and even African American sounds (mostly the guitar and bass). Then, that voice! Dobet's voice draws you in with it's strength and soothes you like a mother's touch with it's control and calmness. This woman has something super special is what I felt. Then, the dots of existence started connecting like you would not believe.

As I read the liner notes from the CD, I begin to put the pieces together that connected me and my daughter to Dobet and the people of Ivory Coast through my husband (we are no longer together). The pain associated with that relationship challenged how I dealt with people born in Africa. Dobet helped to restore a piece of me that I needed to heal so I can speak to my child in a positive way about her people. I am not where I need to be but I am on my way.

It is often difficult for African Americans to understand the African struggle the same as it is probably difficult for Africans to understand the African-American struggle. In spirit and blood, we are all African but other factors exist to keep us from even wanting to know and understand each other. The artist can play a pivotal role in breaking barriers and building bridges of hope and understanding between we who love Africa.

My husband was part of the artist colony called Ki-Yi M'Bock. He spoke of his time with the Ki-Yi M'Bock often and I thought of it as the ideal situation for any artist to be in for a period of time. Dancers, singers, visual artists, etc spend time together strictly working on their skills and their craft with the responsibility to take what they learn to the world to share cultural knowledge through the performing arts. It turns out, Dobet grew up as part of this artist colony.

What I appreciated the most about Dobet's performance in Lafayette is that she seemed to have an artists' understanding of what needs to be done to promote one's work. She stayed true to the spirit and energy created in the studio when making Na Afriki. I had been listening to her CD for 2 to 3 weeks before she arrived, and I was able to sing along with some of the songs. I feel that those who bought her CD after seeing her perform will truly appreciate the CD and cherish it always because the intergrity of an artist who has the audience in mind when they create, compose and perform their work live is very present.

Finally, Dobet's presence on stage is of God. She is beautiful from the 'inside out' and from the 'outside in'. She along with her husband composed their music so that her skills as a dancer can come forth in just the right places to wow the audience.
I am truly blessed to have been a part of the audience to witness Dobet's performance and the band members are highly skilled and add depth and breath to the live shows and the recordings.

Much continued success Dobet!

In peace,
Jolivette Anderson Douoning and Nadja Douoning
Lafayette, Indiana

Jolivette Anderson-Douoning is a poet / educator / activist from Louisiana and Mississippi. She currently lives in Lafayette, IN with her daughter Nadja. She works for the Purdue University Black Cultural Center. Jolivette is available for poetry performances and workshops for youth and adults.

2007-06-28T06:17:00.000-07:00

Dear All,
Nadja and I traveled to Collegeville, MN on June 9, 2007. We stayed onthe beautiful, tranquil campus of St. John's University. St. John'ssits on 2400 acres of land and has beautiful nature trails, ponds, andtrees. Nadja liked the trees. We were there because I was a guestKeynote (Kindler) Speaker for a conference titled 'Community: The Art ofLiving Together'. The Benedictine Community has existed in MN for 150years. Nadja and I were honored to be a part of how they look at thenext 150 years.

We met many wonderful people and I was reconnected with Kevin and RachelWalker. About 10 or so years ago. Kevin and Rachel were visitingLittle Rock, Arkansas and looked in the newspaper and found that apoetry reading was happening. I was the poet. After the performance wechatted and they said, maybe we can get you to Cornel University, theydid. Then, out of the blue it seems, I get an email from Rachaeltelling me to expect a call from Patrick Henry inviting me toparticipate in the Art of Living Together conference. He called, Nadjaand I traveled ( I put her into the contract and they agreed to takecare of both of us AND THEY DID)

We met Bishop Hoyt, Sharon Reives, Abbott Christopher, Ray Suarez and so many more!

2007-05-31T10:22:00.000-07:00

Bright Eyes, Brown Skin (the childrens book)

My daughter Nadja is 1 year old as of May 4, 2007. She received a gift for her birthday, a book by Cheryl Willis Hudson and Bernette G. Ford with illustrations by George Ford, title 'Bright Eyes, Brown Skin'. The book has been around for a while because I remember purchasing it for my nephew when he was 3 years old, he is 9 now.

I am writing about this book because I am able to see the immediate difference it has made in my child. My nephew lived in TN and I in MS so I don't know the day to day experiences he had but my daughter, during the first time I read the book to her, sat still and was very attentive as I was reading to her. She saw young black children playing together, smiling, enjoying each others' company, playing dress up and being tucked in for bed or nap time. My 1 year old is imitating these depictions of these children.

Last night, when I wanted her to go to bed, I simply said, 'Warm and toast, and all tucked in' which is the last line of the book and my 1 year old grabbed a blanket to lay down. SHE GOT IT, AT SUCH AN EARLY AGE!

Now, I am thinking, what did I miss when I was her age. The answer, POSITIVE IMAGES, IMAGES OF BLACK CHILDREN THAT LOOKED LIKE ME DOING POSITIVE THINGS.
The illustrator of the book and the authors and editors, chose to put the colorful full of life and warmth illustrations on bright white paper making the children almost glow. This book makes my daughter feel good about herself at 1 year old.

If any of you out there know the authors, tell them I said THANK YOU! and not just for putting the book out there but for the choices made about how the book looks and for lines like "...lips that kiss. A perfect nose. Very special hair and clothes." THANK YOU FOR HELPING MY CHILD SEE THE BEAUTY IN HERSELF!

In peace,
Jolivette 'the poet warrior'

2007-05-14T07:38:00.001-07:00

The Dancing Nadja

On yesterday, we attended a birthday party for Chase, Heidi's little princess. Nadja had a good time and it was good for me to see her interacting with other children.

The Weekend was filled with Sam Cooke, sleep, cleaning (believe it or not) and a few phone calls and text messages wishing me a happy mothers day (more on that in a minute).

I noticed Nadja moving her feet to the sound of music. She use to simply rock her upper body back and forth and I was glad to see she has rhythm. I was throughly surprised to see her stomp her feet and step back and forth to the beat. I guess she will take after her father in that respect, he is a professional dancer / choreographer from Ivory Coast, Africa.

The joy in her eyes as she stomps her feet and tries to rock her upper body at the same time, the laughter and the happiness inside of her is humbling to me. I am so proud to be her mother yet I feel so horrible that she does not have a father in the home loving her. Being a single parent is not something I ever wanted to do because I know how important a father is to children and how important a husband is to a wife. Unfortunately, father is absent. I will do my best but I know I can never fill that void in her life and Nadja deserves the best.

Mother's Day for me was not good. My brother, Jethro Jr. called and said, Jamir (my nephew) and I called you earlier to tell you Happy Mothers Day. My response was 'yeah, well, whatever'. He laughed and said, "aw, I guess we could have kept that." I replied, "Yep, pretty much." He said, "Jolly, it will get better, once Nadja starts bringing you hand made cards from school with 'I love you' mispelled and a heart cut with some jagged sissors- you'll look at it like, damn, this look like a real heart, for real."

He made me laugh like he always do, my little brother! He is one of the reasons why I know that BABBIES NEED DADDIES. My baby brother and my dad (amen-ase) are two other reasons.

Peace,
J.

2007-05-14T07:27:00.000-07:00

Nadja is 1 !

On May 4, 2007, Nadja turned 1 year old. On May 5, 2007, Natasha Duncan & Dwaine Jengelley hosted a "Jerk Chicken" party for her at my home. In attendance were:

Jolivette & Nadja (of course)
Heidi Freeman and her daughter Chase
Bill & Katie Pope and their daughter Ellie
Odesma Dalrymple
Iman
Chen
Rachel
Cynequa
Kellie Green
Harry and Deena Targ

With Email greetings coming from:

Leo Pate (Nadja's Uncle in Canada)
Laurence (Grand Aunt -grand ma - in London)

She wrote:

NADJA YOUR ARE ONE YEAR OLD TODAY!!!
JOYEUX ANNIVERSAIRE A TOI !!!

SCATTERED ALL OVER THE WORLD AND VOICING FROM LONDON, CANADA, FRANCE , ITALY , AFRICA , AND TAGOURA THE DEEP VILLAGE OF YOUR GREAT GRAND FATHER WITH LOVE WE WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

AS PART OF THE BIG FAMILY YOU ARE NOW BLESSED AND CALLED AFTER ONE OF YOUR GREAT GRAND MOTHER :YADY SHE WAS A BEAUTY QUEEN A STRONG LEADER THAT NO ONE COULD HAVE FACE BUT VERY PEACEFUL

I WANTED TO CALL BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT WAS YOUR OFFICE NUMBER ANYWAY LOOK AFTER YOURSELF WELL AND ENJOY THE PARTY WITH NADJA AND OTHERS

IN PEACE
LAURENCE THE GRAND MOTHER IN LONDON

WISH YOUR ARE KNOWN AS US ACCEPT MY BLESSING TO BE CALL HAUMONON MEAN NEVER LOST TODAY ACCEPT MY POWER AS A YOUR GRAND MOTHER TO CALLND SEND YOU ALL THE BLESSING WE LOVE YOU

2007-04-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

Some Rappers Are Really Slaves
by Jolivette Anderson 'the poet warrior'

I watched 60 minutes last week and was appalled at the interview done with the rapper Camron and the whole notion of 'to snitch or to not snitch' that be the question and the answer to many of our problems in the black community. What use to be a code of ethics for criminals and thugs decades ago is not the code of ethics for this generation of young people and it makes no sense to me. Murdering people in broad daylight is possibly not punishable by law because the people who saw the murder will not say anything to the police. Okay, if you want to handle some community issues without the police but come one, black people, let's draw the line at murder. Don't let murders stay out on the street in our communities because you and yours could be next. While we are working to change America from the inside out, let's use the system as best we can ESPECIALLY, when it comes to protecting ourselves and others from people who kill each other. Anything less is UNCIVILIZED!

Oh, before I forget, the title of this blog simply means that Camron and others refuse to fight the record companies on lyrics. They want to keep on singing and shufflin bout killing etc. simply because it sells. Yes, it sells and it serves the master's plan of continuously creating despair.

more later...

2007-04-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

Nadja News: Read Mama a Story
by Jolivette Anderson 'the poet warrior'

Nadja now has about three or so nicknames. She is 1) the baby punka nunka (after her auntie Tufara in Little Rock), 2) Baby Grandma (from the folks at her daycare because she is developing rather quickly), 3) Nadja Dou (short for her last name-that I may change to my last name once I officially get rid of the marriage that never was cause I was the only one in the marriage actually being married)

Nadja's development is humbling me in a way that I can not describe. She is walking, she is studying situations, she is imitating sounds, she says hi and bye and waves, she has eight teeth and she is only 11 months old. What makes me the proudest though is that she is a 'happy baby'. She wakes up asking questions, expecting to be treated with the same routine Monday through Friday and for the weekends, she expects School House Rock on the DVD player and free reign over the living room while Mama is half sleep on the couch.

She has charm and uses it, at 11 months old!

Nadja also loves books. I read to her often. I began reading to her when she was in the womb. I remember those evenings when I would go up to Barnes and Noble and sit in the children's section to just browse for titles. I found Baby Einstein and several African American books. Before she was 6 weeks old, we made weekly trips to the bookstore. I did not realize that because of all of that, Nadja would start trying to read to me at 11 month old.

Of course, she did not speak words, but she knew that to look at a book cover, something was suppose to come out of my mouth. Each time a page turned, something was suppose to come out of my mouth. So, instead of waiting on me, she began turning pages and making sounds.

I felt beautiful and proud to be her Mama!

By the way, she has learned her 'Ms' so she say Ma Ma a whole lot (smile)!

2007-04-17T06:21:00.000-07:00

In Mama's Hood, Blackness is an Issue
by Jolivette Andrson 'the poet warrior'

I have had my words printed, taken out of context, in online newspapers for the past few weeks. A man by the name of Greeson, in his attempt to support Barack Obama's candidacy for President of the United States of America, used a piece of an interview I did with a student and printed the part that best fit his position. My position on Mr. Obama and any other candidate remains the same, simply, 'if you can not tell me what you plan to do for Black folks in this country, you do not have my vote.'

Prior to Mr. Obama's being a 'serious candidate', many have felt that we were just voting for the lesser of two evils or as I often say, 'the best of a mess'. However, I am appalled at the fact that some seem to think that I should temper my tone and position on Blackness simply because Mr. Obama is Black. NO! NO! AND HELL NAW!

I have even more constructive criticism because now I actually think there is some hope that some of my concerns will be addressed on a national scale. And, can someone explain to me just why is it that all of a sudden the national media is focusing on race? From Don Imus (who has been doing the same level of BS for over 10 years, to the Secretary of State from Indiana, Todd Rokita comparing the Democratic Party and Black people as a Master / Slave Relationship, I ask, what the hell is going on? Have we finally realized that there has been too much silence about race in this country, or is Obama being set up?

Between those who don't want him to have to deal with people like me who question his position on 'Blackness' because there is an absence of generational experience and understanding as it relates to Jim Crow America to those that support him blindly simply because he is a Black man, will a National Conversation on Race and Misogyny help or hinder his run for the presidency? You be the judge.

I am still going to raise Nadja to be 'race conscious'. She will know that she is Black and African and American and eventually make her own decisions about how to define herself instead of letting others define who she is to exercise power over her.

Peace!

2007-04-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

The Black Family
by Jolivette Anderson 'the poet warrior'
(c) april 7, 2007

Male and Female relationships are important because they are what makes the family function in a healthy way. Black male and female relationships in the family I come from where long-lasting. Uncle Jim and Aunt Genevie were married for 65 years. My mom and dad were married for 40 years and a couple of months before dad died (amen-ase).

When my father died, I felt extremely guilty for not giving him a grandchild. I felt that he thought that his blood would not continue. He only had one biologically that was his own, Jamir, my nephew. My older and younger sisters are not going to have any children for various medical reasons. So, here I am, mid 30s at the time, but not financially ready, no steady boyfriend.

I had planned to go to the sperm bank at age 40 and take my chances. Afterall, there is so much Frankenstein shit out there you can have children into your 50s if you can afford the medical bills. Instead, of the three men I was dating off and on, I begain asking the questions, would you consider being the father of our child. This was possibly the wrong way to ask the question because 'in my mind' this means we will have to get married and form a partnership that would grow into love instead of falling in love and having the fairytale crap happen. This is at the root of my present relationship ordeal with my husband.

He is from Africa and wanted a green card. As long as we are in this for the long haul, I have no problem with that, afterall, we are getting married and trying to have a baby so naturally, I want you to have peace of mind and be able to move around in the country without fear and anxiety (as best a black man can).

Oh what a fucking mistake it was for me to think this way. Africans (some of them), immigration, green cards. I have never met so many lying, deceitful, dishonest people in my life. If being in this country is so wonderful and where you come from is so bad that you don't want to go back to it so you do the kinds of things he and his people do to stay here... I am very fortunate for not knowing that level of poverty. I have compassion but I don't think that a human being should sink that low to use me, my father and mother, my sisters and brothers and our unborn child (at the time) to leverage whether or not you will stay in the U.S. or leave it.

While I tried to maintain my principles ( I took his two sons into my home, I took care of all of the bills, I worked until I was 8 months and 3 weeks pregnant, I filled out all the paperwork and handled all administrative communication written and verbal with INS / Homeland Security) and I mean EVERYTHING, and as soon as the card came through, when our daughter was 3 weeks old--HE LEFT!

As I reflect on it now, after losing almost all of who I am as a woman while trying to figure out who I am as a Mother, I realize that his character was below low and it would have been that way with or without the greencard. Maybe INS will find a measuring tool for Iwa Pele (good character) and send those without away--this is wishful thinking based on personal baggage of course, but there is much to be said for how we as women see the actions of men and what we allow ourselves to take and to not take.

I messed up. I believe babies need daddies and women need men IN THE HOME WORKING AND BUILDING THINGS TOGETHER. As a woman, I should have waited on God to send him. As a mother, my child is perfection in my eyes. As for riding the wave between these two realities, I understand now how women who did not love their husbands anymore stayed in relationships for the children. Two incomes is better than one. A woman and a man get to live out their full potential (go back to school, have hobbies, travel, go out sometimes) when two people partner together.

If marriage is Euro Centric and a part of the state, it is still what I believe in for manovering in this country and raising children in healthy environments.

more later,
Jolivette

2007-04-05T10:13:00.000-07:00

Love and Loss
by Jolivette 'the poet warrior'

I may not be Radio Raheem with the Love/Hate rings from 'do the right thing'
but I am...
SORRY.
I apologize to you Love
for thinking you were something you are not and
acting selfishly in how unselfishly I
gave you away to those that did not want you.

I apologize to you Hate
for using you to cleanse the things in me
that Love created,
that I mistakenly redefined.

I can't get rid of either of you in this dance of denial.
fighting myself is useless,
fighting you is futile
I will only ask you back again
once I am healed
but the next time around,
I will respect the sacred ground that you enter,
that sacred ground is the heart and mind of the one courageous enough
to let you in again.

That would be me, eventually.
(to be continued)

2007-04-04T10:01:00.000-07:00

Mama's Wisdom Whispers

her wisdom is a whisper
during times like these
when you are hurting and simply
trying to be
who you are

don't fight the urge, the need
to grow into your own
there will be bumps and bruises when you fall
but you will get up
cause it's in you
you come from a long line of strength and endurance

if you break, in any way
you can make yourself whole again
sometimes
breaking down
is breaking through

i love you...

2007-04-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

Mama's Outrage: R. Kelly at the Daycare (protect your daughters)

Some days, you don't know who to be mad at, you just know that you are mad as hell and you not gonna take too much shit off of anyone.

I walk into the daycare and the lady who watches my daughter is grooving to a video on her portable TV of R. Kelly in concert. I lost it!

"I don't want my daughter watching R. Kelly." She did not turn it off. As I was walking out the door, I said, "I'm serious, put her down, don't let her see him, I don't want my daughter watching him."

When I got to my car, running late did not matter to me, I slowed down, picked up my cell phone and called the daycare and said, "R. Kelly is a pedophile, I do not want her exposed to him like that."

I was told it would be turned off.

I did not know how pissed off I was at even the allegation of R. Kelly having sex with 14 year old girls. What even pisses me off more is the fact that there is a large population of the Black community (colony) that looks at 14 year old girls as grown women and saw nor see anything wrong with this man manipulating children.

Do we hate ourselves so much sisters that we refuse to protect our daughters from damaging images and people? Our children will continue to run crazed in the street because we have let our guard down on what is right and wrong in society. Children should be protected. R. Kelly and others like him are threats and should be treated as such.

2007-03-30T13:36:00.000-07:00

That's Just My Baby's Daddy (oh give me a break, maybe...)

I absolutely hated that damned song when it came out but it became some kind of poor black woman's anthem several years ago, giving airplay to the reality of single parent troubles in dealing with men who are not a part of their children's lives on one part but showing us a side of the black community that is most painful, the relationship between black men and women. Relationships that are plaqued with absenteeism, infidlity, abuse and chaos.

I knew I did not want to have a child out of wedlock. I knew I did not want to be a single parent. I did not know why I felt this way until I got married, had a child, suffered through a horrific pregnancy riddled with absenteeism of the 'baby's daddy', in my face and behind my back infidelity, emotional abuse, and a level of chaos and confusion that paralelled a fricking soap opera.

I believe babies need their daddies in the home helping to raise them. Simply being there physically and materially is surface bullshit. A visit and a trip to the park or Chuck E. Cheese is surface bullshit. What happens when you drop the child back off with Mama. Baby's Daddy can go about his merry way on his own time, functioning without any responsibility for the hard work required to do the day to day management and fulfillment of loving, protecting and nurturing a child. Real simple shit like, leaving the house and going to the grocery store that could take me 10 minutes if I am alone now takes me 40 minutes becasue I have to get myself ready, get a child ready, get in the car seat, out or the car seat, so forth and so on and on and on. Is this a part of it all, of course it is, but the beauty of FAMILY is support. Why should I, woman, have to put my dreams and goals on hold just because Daddy did not want to stay in the home so now I must neglect myself, out of shear exhaustion and sacrifice, to give the child all it needs.

If daddy had his dusty ass at home being a husband and a father to a wife and his child, I can do things that I need to do to stay healthy, sexy, strong and internally beautiful.

I did not stop being a WOMAN because I got pregnant and became a MOTHER. I still have the same needs I had before my daughter was born, the kindness, support, love and protection of a man, the partnership that comes with marriage so each, husband and wife, can continue to evolve, to grow while watching a reflection of who they are come into its own.

I am angry. This shit ain't over.

In peace and pieces,
Jolivette

2007-03-28T11:06:00.000-07:00

A Revelation: Nadja & Mama Jah

On April 4, Nadja will be 11 months old and so will I. How, you may ask? Well, giving birth made me a new woman so I celebrate my birth into Motherhood as I celebrate Nadja's birth into the physical realm.

Nadja listened to the Black Voices of Inspiration Choir rehearse last night. The drum set, keyboards and voices created a calm, a quiet peace inside of her. It was a beautiful thing to watch her interact with folks. She will let you know who she likes and who she does not like, to me, that is a good sign. We are not suppose to like everybody all of the time.

Over the past Almost 11 months, I have felt my body go through some really drastic changes. Depression and anxiety were a part of my personal struggle during pregnancy. I did not feel that I had begun to heal internally until she was about 6 months old. One day, while sitting at my desk, I felt a surge of energy run through me and it hasn't left. That is when I realized that I was really tired, my body was really traumatized, and bouncing back is a process.

I am trying to figure out what to do for Nadja for her first birthday celebration. I know it is more for me than her at this stage but she is so special, I want her to see pictures of her at this stage once she gets older.

Currently, when her face pops up on my screen saver at home, she points and smiles as I say 'that's you, that's Baby Nadja'. She knows how to give kisses and she knows what her teeth are (not just because she likes to practice biting people). She knows her teeth because she is curious and I talk to her when I see her trying to figure things out. Take this morning for instance, she was staring at the lock on the front door as I put the key in to secure our home in our absence. I showed her the key, pointed to the lock and said' key, lock, key in lock, locking the door'. She smiled.

I like Nadja! I like her personality, even the times she in fussy and slapping stuff out of my hand when she does not approve of it or want it. THIS WILL GET OLD WHEN SHE GETS OLDER, but I see a little girl, developing into her own and it is beautiful.

Peace,
Djali, Nadja's Mama

2007-03-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

In Memory of Morgan Guice (A Mama's Perspective)

I find myself calling the daycare EVERY DAY after I drop my infant daughter off in another person's care while I work eight hours a day. This was not the behavior I exhibited just a month ago, so what has changed inside of me? The sad news of one of our students being killed in a car accident over spring break sent me into a silent, internal frenzy, from a Mama's perspective.

Morgan Guice was a beautiful spirit! She filled the room with her energy. Young sister was loud, proud, and able to tell you exactly what was on her mind. I first noticed Morgan when I began working at Purdue. She would walk in the door and say a word in Creole to the graduate student Rudy Chervil, who is from Haiti. Unbeknownst to me, that was the only word she knew in Creole and when I realized that, it was very funny. I also have memories of Morgan facilitating a discussion on Images of Black Women in music videos. She believed in having a good time and enjoying life but she had a serious side that was developing into a artist and possibly an activist. I miss her.

If this were two years ago and I did not have Nadja I know I would respond differently to Morgan's death. Being a mother/mama/mami, has made me a more compassionate warrior. I will do any and everything to protect and respect life while at the same time, if threatened, I would defend my child (and yours) to the death if we find ourselves in harm's way.

I think this seeming contradiction perplexes the hell out of menfolk. Ours in an inner strength that can not be measured by how much weight we can lift or how toned our muscles are. Ours is a strength that takes care of EVERY THING so that we can hold on to our humanity. Think about it. What is more revolutionary than putting food in the mouth of your children and your man cause you have the insight to know that they gonna have to eat and that they gonna need toilet paper to wipe their butts, they gonna need clothes and shoes cause the weather / seasons are changing so you plan all this in your head while finding a way to make all this stuff happen SO YOUR PEOPLE CAN BE LOVED, PROTECTED, WARM IN THE WINTER AND COOL IN THE SUMMER --- SHIT! MAMA'S DO ALL THIS WORK! It is in the way we think, the way we simply BE!

So, for the look in Wade Steffey's mothers eyes I say I am sorry for your loss. For the look in Morgan Guice's mother and fathers eyes, I say I am so sorry for your loss, but know that your child touched the lives of many and I thank you for being the people that she came through.

Aman, Awoman, A child & Ase

Peace on your sacred journey,
Jolivette (Djali)

2007-03-26T06:08:00.000-07:00

Nadja News! (Sunday with the Ducks and Drakes)

Sunday, March 25 was a relaxing day for Nadja and me. She woke in a conversation with someone, the ancestors perhaps, and then she acknowledged me by saying 'Tee, Tee' and pointing to my mouth. She has learned what 'teeth' are and it is amazing to me because she will turn 11 months on April 4 (amen-ase to Dr. King).

We left the house around 5:30pm to run a few errands. Wal - Mart to get some grits and salmon, Mikes car wash to get the trash out of the passenger side of the car (I am horrible when it comes to cleaning my car) and on the way home, we stopped by the park to see and hear the birds. Specifically, the ducks and drakes and those other things with the long necks. Now mind you, when we went on Saturday, she was terrified. All of the fire and spunk and sassiness disappeared when she saw these creatures. Nadja was humbled, but it did not last long because on Sunday, she tried to roll up on the bird creatures. They politely walked off leaving her to explore other things. She pointed at the tree, so I let her touch the trunk of the tree, the bark, and she smiled. She touched the green of the shrubbery and she tried to do the 'let me feel the mud' thing but I stopped her. Another time for all of that.

I am happy that Nadja is developing well. I am prayerful that she continues to develop and lives a long, happy and healthy life. I must digress a bit though. Unfortunately, some people like to tell lies so they can author confusion and chaos. All I will say to that (and you know who you are) that Nadja is protected with the blood of my ancestors and the prayers of ancients and saints. I will protect and defend her to my deat. I think all who read this will know and understand. Bottom line, don't mess with my child cause the me you meet after you mess with her is the me you should be running from.

They call Nadja 'grandma' at the daycare because she does not want to hang out with the infants, she prefers the toddler room. She started walking at 9 months and has a jumpstart on talking. I won't say I want her to slow down, I will say that I want her to be and become who she is and will be.

Peace,
Mama Jah, Nadja's Mama

2007-03-26T05:49:00.000-07:00

Mommy's Night Out: Hanna Center Open Mic

On Friday, March 23, 2007, I hosted an open mic set at the Hanna Community Center here in Lafayette, IN. I did not host it as a person who works for Purdue University. I hosted the set as 'the poet warrior', the name I gave myself over 10 years ago to be the voice of the Black happenings in Jackson, Mississippi and the world.

It felt good hosting a set again. I hadn't felt that good since Mississippi Vibes at Highlights in Tougaloo, MS, since Jazzoetry with E.B. and Company at that coffeehouse, since opening for Patti, Brian, Jonathan, Louis, Rosa, Myrlie and on and on and on. I got 'back to me' and it felt damn good. It felt so good, I kept calling the babysitter, thinking something was wrong. It is really foul that thinking like that is inside of me. I know it inside of every woman that feeling of 'if you feel to good about yourself, you are doing something wrong'. WHO OR WHAT CREATED THAT MESS?

I am currently reading a book for my American Studies class called 'Where the Girls Are'. I have only read the introduction, but I can see that the author is speaking to me when she speaks of the 'contradictions' we have and how that defines being an 'American woman' (and she acknowledges that she is dealing with American white woman and has not the insight to deal with being African American and female. For today, I embrace the contradiction that lives in me, that is fed to me through media. I don't know what will become of it, but for today, I embrace it and move forward with trying to figure me out so I can love me better.

For the record, Juanita and Cyneque (of Haraka Writers) rocked the house. Juanita started the revolution with her poem 'When you left' that tells black men how many black women feel about interracial relationships. The pain of not being good enough for you is hardly ever discussed for fear of hurting folks feelings. Many think this to be a rainbow world of diversity where everyone gets along, well, it ain't! There are some historical issues that have not been resolved individually and collectively because many of us refuse to create enviornments where healthy dialogue can take place. Pieces like hers at least give us a chance to open dialogue about how we feel so the black woman is not rendered invisible ALL OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Sister Cynequa brought peace like a gentle rain with her words and vocals. More on her at a later date.

peace on your sacred journey,
Jolivette (Djali)

PS- I will be the host and the featured poet on April 27 at the Hanna Center with Blackberry Jam Band. I am too excited!

2007-03-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

On Ledbetter Street in Shreveport

Black Folks kind of love is forgiving, eternal, biting and beautiful. Slavery and Jim Crow made us have to 'eat crow' to stay alive. All the things my mother and father wanted to say but didn't finds its way out of my mouth on a regular and consistent basis.
I scare them with my boldness but I am a prophecy fulfilled.

Mama and Daddy (now deceased), did you really think that your children would let what the white folks or any other folks said or did to you that was disrespectful go unchecked? Yes, God got us but God also gave us some of the tools we need to take care of certain things on our own.

This is a special dedication to my siblings, my mother and father and also to the bloodline I come from, the spirit I came from, traveled through and gave birth to. Nadja would not 'be' without the energy my entire family put out into the universe, through hard work and prayer.

The way I love may be strange sometimes, but good love is good love so just take it and run with it. S---, that's what I do with the love you give to me.

Black love is growing up on Ledbetter Street, having the same home phone number for over 30 years, going to church every Sunday, being a Hollywood High Stepper, swinging on the swing at hattie Perry Park.

I knew I was human growing up on Ledbetter Street. My blackness came second to that until I realized that some folks deemed my blackness as a marker of not being human.

Contradiction or conundrum or whatever...it don't matter... cause my black 'ness' is here... IN YO FACE!

Black love is me, my sister Jerene, my brothers Jethro and Arve, my sister Quintina and everything mama and daddy and grandmamas and grandpapas and auties and uncles and neighbors taught us on Ledbetter Street -- by the way they treated themselves and the way we treated each other.

Black Love is Me!

Peace,
Jolivette

2007-03-23T06:46:00.000-07:00

Nadja News! (Baby is Walking)

Greetings Family,
On February 21, 2007, I picked up my daughter from daycare and one of the staff there said, 'she took about 10 steps today!' I smiled and began to look at here as if to say 'congratulations' and she smiled back at me. Nadja turned 9 months old on February 4 and she was crawling so fast sometimes I thought I saw smoke coming from her knees. She has two new teeth coming in at the bottom and her two front teeth have broken through her gums. She is happy and strong and learning things everyday. She has a very strong personality. She understand the word 'yes' and the word 'no' and voices her disagreements in baby talk. I am proud of her.

I am humbled at having been chosen by God to bring this bundle of light into this world. I have no imaginary fairy tales about who she is or what she will be or how difficult it will be at times to protect her from things that could harm her in this world. I ask for all of your prayers as Nadja and I move through this world together, Mother and daughter alone. Your support in the form of prayers and positive thoughts are truly appreciated. We love you all.

Oh, by the way, she is constantly in the kitchen opening drawers and cabinet and pulling out pots and pans and having a good time. Baby sitters appreciated cause I need some Mommy time every once in a while. (smile).

In peace,
Jolivette

2007-03-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

Nadja News! Ali Center and Learning Louisville

Nadja and I ventured to Louisville, KY to visit the Muhammad Ali Center and the Kentucky Derby Museum (with my job) on March 2nd and 3rd. The Ali Center is beautiful and will always hold a special place in my heart because it is so global. I was especially moved to tears at the photo gallery which displayed pictures of Darfur. The Hope and Justice wall is beautiful. It is covered with tiles decorated by children from around the world. I have a photo of Nadja pointing to one that she liked.

Unfortunately, Nadja and Mama Jah are exhausted and after working two weekends in a row our bodies fell ill. She has the stomach flu and I have something that is causing me to be extremely exhausted. I am at work now just to check email but I am very ill. Nadja is with me and we will go home soon to rest some more and hopefully be back to our normal schedule on tomorrow (Wednesday). I am truly blessed to have a job that allows me sick days for myself and for my daughter without threat of being fired.

Though I am technically still married, I am a single parent and I can honestly understand why women who take on the bulk of the responsibility of raising children get so angry at the 'baby's daddy'. After all, it took two to make her and it takes two to take care of her. I am very angry folks, and I am trying to find a way to NOT pass this anger on to Nadja. All prayers and positive energy accepted for our health, physically and mentally and emotionally.

Love and light to all

2007-03-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Mommy's Night Out! with Morgan Heritage Band

March 17, 2007

Morgan Heritage, Still Rising
By Jolivette Anderson 'the poet warrior'

I had not seen them perform since the International Arts Festival in New Orleans, LA in 2002. Morgan Heritage is one of the greatest Reggae bands for a few reasons I would like to share,
1) The teach love through their lyrics in the true Rasta spirit of 'One Love'
2) They see their audiences as people who love their music and they give back by spending time with them
3) The love they have for each other as family members is visible in the way they communicate with each other on stage and back stage.

The Caribbean Village in Indianapolis was filled with people from various backgrounds but to be honest, I was glad to be able to go to a Black owned club to see a Reggae band the caliber of Morgan Heritage. Often times, as Black folks, we don't value our own culture enough to exploit it to our benefit, we only support it after another culture or race of people validate it and exploit it.

To heck with all of the political stuff for a few moments though. I am a new Mama and this was my Night Out to do something for myself. I needed to remind myself that I am sexy, fun, kind, giving, loving, trustworthy, beautiful and worthy & deserving of the absolute best. Morgan Heritage helped me in this process as I was positioned down front. Peter shook my hand. L of LMS sang to me. Mojo looked at me through his shades. Gramps smiled at me. Hallelujah! Amen! Awoman!

My daughter is my life and my eternal love. What I learned from this Mommy's Night Out is that I will teach her to not give ALL of who she is to ANYBODY. do things only and exclusively for you. This does not make you selfish, it is a sign that you are taking good (God) care of your soul so you can give the best of the things you can spare to give, like some of your time, your smile, and your kindness. The non-material things that are more valuable than the things we pay money for.

I don't know when the next Mommy's Night Out will be, but I will share with you what I learned so hopefully, sisters, mamas, women of all backgrounds, you can get Back to YOU!

Peace on your Sacred Journey,
Jolivette
3/21/2007

2007-03-21T10:56:00.000-07:00

To Love Like This (A Poem for Nadja)
By Jolivette Anderson © 11/2/06

As the sun breaks through the night
Turning it to dawnI open my eyes.
The shadow of her small hand
slowly sweeps across my vision
I feel the gentleness of her touch
Caressing my cheek
Making sure it is me, her Mama.
Then, comes the whispers
The coos that sound like a song
A conversation she has with herself and
other spirits in the room
Me included
She is her own person
I, simply a caretaker of her life
until she takes courage and control of her destiny

Fear sometimes consumes me
But it only lasts a fleeting moment
Before courage chases it out of my soul
As long as I breathe, she is protected
As long as I breathe, she is nurtured
As long as I breathe, and beyond….
As she grows, God only knows what her thoughts will be
Will she grow to dislike me and what I stand for
I hope not but I must teach and be strong enough to
Let her life be hers when the time comes
We all must learn to make our own decisions

Until then, the gentleness of her hand
Small and fragile on my cheek
While dawn is peeping in the window
Is what I consider a blessing
This is the image that is permanently burned into my memory
To love like this
Is the closest thing I have ever seen that resembles God

Her name,
Nadja!

2006-12-08T12:59:00.000-08:00

Welcome the Mamashood!

Where children and women are safe, protected and loved! With or without a daddy in the home (though we prefer daddies in homes, when they are healthy enough to be there).

I, Jolivette, am the main contributor to this blog. This is about me and Nadja and Nadja and me and all that we must do and go through to be who we are.

Peace!